When I was a child, my grandparents had an old cabinet that sat in the corner of their living room. Normally, this was used as a storage space - I remember pictures sitting on top of it, as well as other knick-knacks and bits of junk.

However, one Christmas Eve I discovered that this cabinet was actually a record player when my father cleared off the top of the cabinet and opened it up to put on a record that he had bought for my Grandfather.

The song he played was Lilli Marlene and the singer was Marlene Dietrich. Now, German is not - by any stretch of the imagination - a pretty language. However, German from the lips of Marlene Dietrich was in another category entirely. Even at the age of 10 or 11 I remember being enthralled by her voice, even though I couldn’t understand a word she was saying.

It was apparent to anyone in our family that Grandpa liked Marlene Dietrich. It was also painfully apparent that Grandma didn’t like Marlene - or, as she liked to refer to her, That German Whore. I don’t think any of us ever understood why - but it was always a big deal when someone (usually my father or my Uncle Tom) would put her album on for him to listen to.

I had always meant to ask my Grandfather about the song and what it made him think of but it never did. So I’ve come up with my own thoughts on the song - I picture my Grandfather in his bunk at sea listening to this song. Back before any of us - when he was young and in love, thinking of his young bride back ashore.

Lilli Marlene

Underneath the lantern by the barrack gate
Darling I remember the way you used to wait
Twas there that you whispered tenderly
That you loved me
You’d always be
My Lili of the lamplight
My own Lili Marlene

Time would come for roll call
Time for us to part
Darling I’d caress you and press you to my heart
And there ‘neath that far off lantern light
I’d hold you tight
We’d kiss good-night
My Lili of the lamplight
My own Lili Marlene

Orders came for sailing somewhere over there
All confined to barracks was more than I could bear
I knew you were waiting in the street
I heard your feet
But could not meet
My Lili of the lamplight
My own Lili Marlene

Resting in a billet just behind the line
Even tho’ we’re parted your lips are close to mine
You wait where that lantern softly gleams
Your sweet face seems to haunt my dreams
My Lili of the lamplight
My own Lili Marlene

When we are marching in the mud and cold,
And when my pack seems more than I can hold
My love for you renews my might
I’m warm again
My pack is light
It’s you Lili Marlene
It’s you Lili Marlene

Wow - the last post was way, way back on Talk Like a Pirate Day. I think that this ties my record for the longest I’ve gone between posts, but I’m not willing to commit to that given the current state of my memory. However, I have a really good excuse this time around for the delay.

After just slightly more than 12 years of working as a IT consultant, I’m back working in-house again. In a complete bit of irony, I’m back in East Akron at the same place I started my career in IT nearly 13 long years ago.

Everything is going swimmingly now, but it was a bit rough back in September. My company had gone for months without any work of note, and my anxiety level increased in an inverse proportion to the company bank account. There is a whole sordid backstory on the gradual decline of the company - we had looked to selling the company to the vendor that owns our bread-and-butter software package - but I’m not going to get into that here. It’s too irritating for me, and isn’t all that interesting for anyone else.

The end of August and the first week of September was when it started to get bad - the writing was on the wall by that point - September 14th was D-Day. If we didn’t have more work by then - or if the vendor didn’t buy us - we were all going to be out of work. It was pretty much anxiety city for everyone - there were ups and downs on a day-to-day basis. Everyone was stressing out in their own unique way. I’m sure none of us were really fun to be around those few weeks.

As I’ve mentioned in the past, I have this amazing ability to increase my anxiety level to incredible degrees at the slightest concern. This wasn’t slight though, it was the first time I faced unemployment - and I didn’t like it. I’m used to being able to take care of my family - and the thought of not being able to do that really bothered me.

Now here’s the amazing, how the hell did this all fall into place? part.

I had gotten in touch with my old employer when they were looking for upgrade assistance with one of their servers. This project had been stalled waiting for funding for a few months when I stopped down to have lunch with the IT Director early in September. During lunch, he mentioned that one of the employees in the department had quit, and made a joke that I “could always come back home”. At that point I decided to talk to him about possibly coming back before I left, but he beat me to it and asked if I would consider coming back.

I talked to Beth about it and confirmed with her that the answer was a resounding “yes”.

Quite serendipitous, no?

I managed to do my normal mind***k routine over the course of the next two weeks, but when all was said and done I walked in for my first day (well, first day in 12 years) on October 23rd.

You know what? It’s great to be back working with a user community of a small company again. Don’t get me wrong - consulting was good to me in many, many ways. There’s things I’m going to miss from consulting, but there are also things that I’m glad to leave behind.

Many things have changed since I last worked down in Akron - the business has changed, the systems and applications have changed, and some of the infrastructure has changed. However, much has stayed the same - many of the people I worked with 12 years ago are still there. In some ways, the biggest change has been me - I’m no longer the cocky 22 year old with the chip on his shoulder that I was back then. I’ve seen first hand that the grass is not always greener on the other side, and I’ve learned that happiness for me is found more in taking my son to his sports practice than in driving an expensive sports car.

It’s strange - in some ways this is a new job for me, but in some ways it’s like I’ve never left. For the first time in many months, I’m not worrying as much - hell, I’m actually starting to relax.

I’ll be honest - in some ways, it feels weird…but I suspect I’ll get used to it.